Want To Buy: A Midget

Is it wrong for a person to want to own a midget? I like to tell myself that it is not. Yes midgets are people too, but they are darn good workers! I mean have you ever seen a midget get fired? I havent! Owning a midget would be like paying an illegal alien to do your work for you for half the pay. Although you wouldnt really be paying your midget in the financial sense, but the experience we would gain from each other would outweigh what I could pay much more!

The reason I would like to own a midget is simple. It has recently been brought to my attention that I have in fact become a porch monkey. I really dont do anything but sit on my butt all day long. This really hurts the looks of my apartment because quite frankly it's beginging to look messy. I need my little midget helper to pick up around the house, maybe do some dishes, and take out the trash every once in a while. I know this sounds like a lot for the little guy to handle, but dont get me wrong. I'm not a slave driver. Slavery is wrong and I will not partake in any slaverism!!!

My midget would sorta be like a "pet" of sorts. When you have a dog you play with your dog, but you dont want to play with it all the time. After you are done you allow your dog to do what dogs do. That said, instead of playing with my midget he would do his work. After the works done I would allow my midgets to do what midgets do, but im almost certain that its work. This would make us both happy. My house would be clean and my midget would be happy because midgets are always happy!

This brings me to naming my midget. I thought long and hard about this but im going to have to stick with Gordo. Its a catchy name and it just fits for some reason. Now the problem will ensue if Gordo already has a name because that would just be awkward making him change it, but im sure he'll get used to the change. My biggest fear though is when little Gordo finds himself a mate. As i dont want a litter of midgets running around I would have to release Gordo to his new found love and pursue myself a new midget. This will be hard but in time im sure that it will be for the better.

The characteristics im looking for in Gordo are as follows:

Size: Nothing more than 3'11'' and no more than 100lbs (He's gotta be quick)
Age: This is really irrelevent, but I would prefer a younger one
Sex: Defitnitly a male. Female midgets are scary and i'm pretty sure they are biters
Color: I prefer a white one, but if you are in ireland ill pay extra for the green ones

Thats basically it. I've checked around the internet but only came across some that you can borrow. That wont work as you can't name em. So if you have any information about where i may purchase or even adopt (although im not ready for parenthood at this juncture in my life) please feel free to contact me any way you see fit.

Day One. Starting a Blog

Hello Blogee's. Not a word yet but it will catch on. I have decided to move my amazing blogs outside of the wonderful, yet limited, world of Myspace. My blogs are not for everyone. They are actually just for my amusement. I blog about serious things in the world. And I blog about the fact that my poo turns green occasionally. I recommend you subscribe to this blog for it will be the most un-intelligent blog you will read in the coming days. I will also do something crazy never before done in the history of blogging! I will post a compressed image that I have found on the interwebs onto this page. *GASP* So stay tuned as I will surely amaze you with stupidity.